


In The Post

by inu_spike



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Oral Sex, Orgasm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 20:45:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inu_spike/pseuds/inu_spike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Are you finding yourself behind in the times? No longer hip to what’s happening in the world? Then have I got an offer for you.” Under any other circumstance, the lines would have been delivered with youthful enthusiasm, the bright eyes of a pimple-faced pubescent dancing with the gleam of future entrepreneurship via magazine sales. However, on this day, the lines were delivered flatly, lifelessly and with just a hint of deep hatred.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Post

Disclaimer: Naruto and all respective characters belong to Misashi Kishimoto. This is a work of fan-fiction and is a non-profit venture. I own only the computer and the plot. Individual references also belong to their appropriate copyrites.

Warning: This story is set in an AU and contains deadpanned creepiness.

Also, this is non-Beta'd, so please pardon any grammatical mistakes. ^^

~*~*~*~*~*~*

In The Post

~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Naruto opened his front door slowly, trepidation coloring his every move. He cursed the lack of peep-hole in the wooden object as the subject of his fear was revealed. Normally, he loved getting mail—especially packages! Who didn’t love getting shit delivered to their doorstep—but his opinion of the mail carrier had been changing as of late.

It had started three weeks previous when he had answered the knocking on his door with excitement—having seen the mail truck pull up in front of his house and the mailman walk to his door with a brown wrapped package held outside of his blue carrier. He had ordered the complete series of one of his favorite shows and was ecstatic for it to arrive, thus kicking off the start to his marathon weekend. However, when he opened the door to receive the much anticipated parcel, he was presented with the site of his regular mailman holding out what appeared to be a magazine…. With the…Biebe(1) on the cover.

“Are you finding yourself behind in the times? No longer hip to what’s happening in the world? Then have I got an offer for you.” Under any other circumstance, the lines would have been delivered with youthful enthusiasm, the bright eyes of a pimple-faced pubescent dancing with the gleam of future entrepreneurship via magazine sales. However, on this day(2), the lines were delivered flatly, lifelessly and with just a hint of deep hatred.

Black eyes stared blankly into shocked and confused blue as Naruto tried to comprehend what he was seeing and hearing. It couldn’t be his no-nonsense mailman trying to sell him teeny-bopper magazines. No way…

“What?” The blonde head tilted, as if the new angle would make understanding that much easier. Naruto was truly at a loss. The mail man said nothing, didn’t even move from his spot but for to move the magazine cover closer to the Uzumaki.

What Naruto – and most of the American population – failed to realize was that the US Postal Service was a sham, a glorified façade to cover their true and sinister purpose: the slow but eminent destruction of humanity and mankind in general, one missing letter and broken lamp at a time(3). It was no wonder the workers walked that thin line between normal human and psychotic. A very thin line.

Itachi Uchiha was the epitome of all the USPS stood for: efficient and thorough but sadistic and vengeful to those who did not follow the rules. His icy disposition, emotionless continence and dislike of the civilian populous was well known throughout the region. There were few people on his regular route who weren’t either terrified of him or enamored by him (good looks and fine breeding had made sure he was the object of much desire in the community he served and his usually stone-walled disposition did very little to dissuade their affections). It was even worse when he had to work at the post office behind the counter, forced to interact with customers who couldn’t understand the simple basics of packing or stamps. And the tape, always the goddamned tape.

However, much as he didn’t like the people, bureaucracy, or hours, he felt a deep sense of fulfillment at the end of the day, knowing his father was likely spinning in his gold-lined grave at his life choices. Hell, the entire post-mortem clan was probably ashamed at what he’d become and it almost made him laugh. His brother certainly got a kick out of it.

The former heir to the Uchiha empire and fortune did not so much as twitch while Naruto began to inch back into his home. If he wanted to be completely honest with himself, he would have had the same reaction to someone selling such…filth to him. Though he probably would have slammed the door shut by this time.

It was donation season; that time of year where every organization attempted to raise money or awareness for different causes. This year, the workers at his particular branch had decided it would be a good idea to try and sell magazine subscriptions. A portion of the profits would go to a charity of their choosing as well as a year’s subscription for the magazine that sold the most.

All in all, it was a fairly good deal. Unfortunately, Itachi had been off on the day magazine titles were distributed and, in the true sense camaraderie, his compatriots had left him with the teen-sensation rags. Many an icy glare had been thrown on the day of his return when his supervisor had handed him his assignment.

It was most unfortunate for Itachi, though, because the majority of his route either worked during the day or were stay-home parents that he had no intention of interacting with—home all day with children tended to make them a bit less than sane(4). There were also several home businesses that he already knew not to bother with something so trivial; four were home salons, three tax parlors, and a half-dozen or more other businesses littered his route.

Naruto, though, was home during most days due to his changing schedule that often left him on the graveyard shift. The fact that the blonde had even answered the door with both eyes open and non-bedraggled hair was a surprise. Normally, the blonde was half-asleep, hair sticking up at all sorts of odd angles, in a haphazardly thrown on t-shirt and pajama pants.

Now, he was still wearing his pajama pants, but the shirt had less wrinkles and his hair looked like it had actually seen the brush. His tan complexion was healthy under the mid-morning light and his blue eyes were crystal clear. The six unusual birthmarks stretched across his cheeks were drawn down by the confused pout on full lips.

They stood there staring at one another for five straight minutes; Itachi not talking and Naruto slowly shrinking back into his house. Without a word, the Uchiha produced a package with the hand not holding out the magazines, drop off slip neatly held on top of the package.

Naruto reached out with tan hands, hesitantly gripping the package and signing the slip before retreating into his house, eyes still firmly affixed to the deadpanned face of the mail carrier. He waited against his door for a few minutes after closing it, listening to the sound of the other man walking away, not moving until he heard the mail truck start up and pull away.

It had been three weeks since the weirdness had started and Itachi had been to his door selling the same magazines every. Day. Since. Naruto was officially freaked out.

His heart bolted in his chest every time he heard someone knock on the front door and when the doorbell rang. It was getting to the point that even his friends, who were never over often due to his unusual schedule, were beginning to notice his jittery appearance whenever someone else showed up at the front door. He and Kiba had gotten into a particularly vicious scrap over it—something about the brunette calling the blonde’s masculinity into question and Naruto having to defend his manhood via a fist to Kiba’s face.

Sadly, because of his schedule, he had been awoken by the postal worker several times during the three weeks after the first encounter. The deadpan sales pitch was even more disturbing when he was watching it out of one blood-shot blue eye. He was fairly sure he had snarled at the mail carrier a few times before slamming the door.

He was awake this time when the knock sounded on his door. He was almost tempted to pretend he wasn’t home, just so that he wouldn’t have to deal with the weirdness anymore. The door creaked as he pulled it open wider, tan features just peaking around the frame.

There was Itachi in the same blue uniform, with his long black hair pulled into a pony tail and through the loop at the back of his cap. On the rare occasions that Naruto was home, awake, and aware, the two had shared some flirtatious banter—usually one sided and initiated by the blond. On those occasions, Itachi was known to practically shove Naruto’s packages down his throat before making an offened retreat.

The Uchiha said nothing as the door finished opening. Black eyes were far more intense than Naruto could ever remember seeing and it made him pause before shutting the door. He opened the door wider and stepped into the open space; curious to see what the other had for him.

Itachi remained quiet as he slowly lifted his arm, another colorfully covered magazine held in his pale grasp. Naruto nearly sobbed in hysterics at the sight of it. No, not again…

“What do you want from me, Itachi? I can’t take you showing me these magazines anymore! Who do I need to do to get this to stop?!” The last question was more rhetorical than anything, but three weeks of daily, involuntary exposure to idiotic teen gossip and worthlessness were finally taking their toll as Naruto grasped Itachi’s wrist; pleading with the postman for the answer.

The magazine would have fallen from the Uchiha’s hand had it not clenched into a fist at Naruto’s touch. The colorful cover crinkled loudly in his grasp, the noise lost on the men staring at one another. Sharp black eyes had widened in surprise at Naruto’s outburst, Itachi actually shocked by the blonde’s statement, before narrowing in intrigue.

Naruto wasn’t exactly sure what had happened, but somehow they had made it to his bedroom and were now ripping at each other’s clothes as if they were the root of all evils. Lips were smashed together in a heated embrace, tongues coming out to dance around one another.

Naruto ripped his mouth away for air, lifting his arms as his shirt was drawn over his head. He moaned as a hot mouth clamped down on his pulse just under his ear; teeth scrapping against the skin sensually, causing goose-bumps to rise on his arms.

Tan fingers scrabbled to undo the buttons on Itachi’s government shirt, fumbling as much steadier fingers came forward to tweak his exposed nipples. If the blonde didn’t know any better, he would have thought the Uchiha was trying to distract him.

A sharp series of nips to his jugular confirmed his suspicions.

Itachi pulled back to take in his handiwork: the flush spreading across whiskered cheeks, the erect nubs held between his fingers, and, lastly, the bulge tenting the thin material of the Uzumaki’s pants. He wanted to see what the colorful pattern hid from him but was halted by Naruto ripping his shirt open, all patience with the buttons gone.

Naruto had the grace to look slightly guilty as the sound of buttons hitting the ground met both their ears. “Sorry,” he mumbled, blue eyes darkening with desire as he took in the pale skin now open to his gaze.

He took in the defined pecs and abs, tongue coming out to wet his lips as he eyed the light dusting of hair that led from just below a perfect belly-button to underneath still clasped blue pants. He nearly started drooling as he took in the site of the tented fabric.

A hand clasped under his chin brought his focus back to bottomless black eyes and an inviting smirk. The young man leaned forward, brushing their lips together, before falling unceremoniously to his knees. He placed his hands on the pale waist, bringing his head forward to lick up the trail he had been looking at previously. Itachi groaned quietly, his own hands coming to rest on top of blonde hair.

Naruto made quick work of the button and fly on the standard issue pants, pulling both them and the boxers beneath them down swiftly to bury his nose in the short curls surrounding the base of the Uchiha’s member. His tongue darted out as he mouthed the base, slowly moving up until he could slip the head inside.

He heard Itachi’s breath hitch as he worked his way down, pulling back up briefly to swirl his tongue around the crown—tasting the pre-cum pearling at the tip—before making his way back down. He set a measured pace, sucking rhythmically, and applying varying degrees of pressure on the large vein running the underside of the substantial cock.

Itachi’s head rolled back at the sensation, hips moving shallowly against the hands holding them. He rolled his head back forward and looked down at the blonde kneeling before him. He watched as those pink lips dragged up and down on his shaft, hiding the wicked tongue that worked his cock like a finely tuned instrument.

His long fingers curled into fists in the blonde hair as his hips picked up speed. He wanted to fuck the blonde’s face more than he thought he would and he didn’t know how much longer he could stop himself from doing so.

Naruto had apparently gotten the message though, as he moved his hands from Itachi’s hips to the upper-backs of his thighs; lightly cupping the firm cheeks he found there. He looked up at the Uchiha, winking as he sucked the shaft straight down, swallowing when it hit the back of his throat.

Itachi barely bit back a cry as his hips shot forward, unable to stop his body’s reaction to the unexpected pleasure. He growled as he caught the blonde’s blue eyes, twinkling with amusement. The Uchiha increased his grip on Naruto’s locks, readying himself and the blonde as his hips began to piston back and forth; driving his cock deep into the willing channel.

The Uzumaki groaned around his mouthful, carefully timing his breaths in and out with Itachi’s thrusts. His tongue squirmed against the invading flesh, trying to drive the mailman over the edge faster. He squeezed his hands tighter, messaging the firm globes of Itachi’s ass; index fingers straying into the crease to run over the puckered entrance hidden there.

Itachi’s scrotum twitched from the caress and a halting moan escaped his chest. Naruto groaned at the sound, disengaging one of his hands so that he could bring it down to his own leaking erection, still trapped within the confines of his house pants.

The standing Uchiha could feel himself getting close, his testicles starting to draw up and the twitching of the thick vein running on the underside of his cock. His hands tightened further as his hips sped up even more, mindless grunts falling from his lips as he watched Naruto’s take the abuse his cock was dishing out.

Blue eyes staring lustfully up at him while the blonde rubbed himself through his pants ended up as Itachi’s undoing. He pulled back just as the first jets of cum flew from his cock, watching intensely as the ribbons landed around Naruto’s lips, open mouth, and cheeks. He was mesmerized by the site.

The hand on his ass clenching alerted him to the fact that Naruto found the whole experience to be equally as enjoyable – blue rolling back as a long, pornographic moan rushed from cum spattered lips, while the blonde’s hips jerked forward several times.

The grip on his ass lessened as the Uzumaki rested his forehead against Itachi’s upper thigh for a moment. Naruto looked up at the other man after catching his breath, an embarrassed blush crawling across his cheeks as a sheepish grin made itself known on his lips.

Itachi smirked softly—not quite a smile—and offered his hand to the blonde. Neither said anything for a moment, both content to simply take in the other’s presence: Itachi with his work shirt sans buttons and pants around his ankles and Naruto with a prominent wet spot staining the front of his own pants.

The Uchiha moved first, closing the gap between them to softly run his tongue over Naruto’s soiled lips. The blonde’s breathing immediately began to pick up as the pressure of the Uchiha’s tongue grew firmer. Itachi drew back before anything more could come of his actions, or, rather, from his actions, forcing a disappointed pout to cross Naruto’s face. He smirked.

“Now imagine what could have happened had you actually purchased the magazines from me.”

~(Brief) Epilogue~

Itachi endeared the subsequent black eye with the knowledge that he had gotten a much better prize than any of his colleagues.

End!

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was my submission for the ItaNaru Swap on LiveJournal, pimped by ImperialMint. I don't think my recipient is on this website...
> 
> Anyway, the premise was ridiculous and I did what I could with it. I think it turned out okay... ^^
> 
>  
> 
> List of Numbers!  
> 1 – The BFF understands.  
> 2 – This day, the Fraptious Day. XD lolololol I’m stupid, I know.  
> 3 – This is not true! To my knowledge It just seemed like an appropriate assumption.  
> 4 – Children are monsters.


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